No idea where this idea came from. Honestly I don't.
Title: Almost Fatal Mistakes
Almost Fatal Mistakes
I can feel his eyes on me, like I felt Jarno’s on me when I was the test driver. I cannot quite describe how it feels, not uncomfortable, for ‘Carlo is attractive. But I feel a slight hint of guilt, as if I am betraying Jarno. I turn to look him in the eye, he smiles and beckons me over. For a moment I linger, can I go, for one thing shall surely lead to another, and can I betray Jarno like that?
But maybe that relationship is long over…
It was after the race, I hadn’t seen much of Jarno all weekend,-he had been with his team, and I with mine. So after I wandered over to the Toyota garage, where he stood, in a pair of tight jeans and a black top, laughing with the mechanics, he had his hand on the shoulder of one, and I think it was that caused the stab of jealousy. It had been a long winter, and during testing we had seen very little of him, I called his name he looked around, that familiar twinkle in his eye, “Nano!” he called jogging over.
“Where are we going tonight?” I ask, referring to the custom where after the race we go out and get drunk, but he looked away guiltily.
“I’m Sorry Nano, but I thought, seeing as how ‘Carlo won today, I thought you’d be out with the team, so I’m going out with the guys”
I shot a glance at the mechanics “fine” I said casually “so which one are you fucking behind my back?”
“What, Nano? I’m not…” he looked shocked, “Nano?”
But I was gone, walking away from him, never before had I felt so betrayed.
So, I came out with the team, and now, all I feel is anger, for reasons I do not know. I shake it of and stand, walk over to where ‘Carlo sits, he grins as I sit down
“You were watching me” I state.
“Why, is it so wrong to stare at an attractive guy?” he asks in reply. With a quick glance, I deduce that no one is watching, I smile back, almost seductively…
I know I’ve had too much to drink, but I don’t care, I just continue to lead ‘Carlo up to my room, somewhere in the back of my mind a voice whispers ‘What about Jarno?’ but the part of my brain addled by drink replies ‘Jarno who?’
I push open the door and pull him to the bed, he whispers sweet nothings to me, and I give in to my desires.
A knock at the door startles me from my sleep; I open my eyes as the door opens.
I look across to where ‘Carlo lies and then back to Jarno, he stares at us, and I see the hurt on his face, before he turns and leaves. I leap to my feet and pull on yesterday’s clothes, chasing after him barefoot. “Jarno! Please Jarno!” I call after him “Wait please”
He doesn’t stop, but I catch up to him and grasp his arm “I’m sorry” I say desperately “I was angry…”
“So you go fuck your team mate?” he states obviously deeply hurt “For fucks sake Fernando, get off me” he says pulling away, and I flinch, he’s not called me by my full name for ages, he glares at me “What is it Fernando? You have a fetish for Italians, or was I just someone to fuck while I was at Renault?”
“I love you Jarno!” I yell back, he shakes his head and walks away. I stare after him and sense ‘Carlo come up behind me and place a hand on my shoulder “Fuck off ‘Carlo” is all I can say as I watch Jarno walk away from me.
He doesn’t answer the phone, I haven’t seen him since then, he’s avoiding me. How many messages I have left on his phone I do not know. Hundreds. No thousands. I cruise the streets searching for him, visiting the places we frequented. I arrived in
I glance around, and then I see him, in a seedy bar. I walk in there and stand beside him “I’m sorry” I say softly “I was upset, and you were never meant to find out. I don’t love ‘Carlo.”
“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“No” I admit “but you know I love you”
I snap, “Fine,” I hiss “If you are going to be so damn stubborn, you might as well have this back” I pull the ring of my finger, the ring he gave me for my last birthday, and place it down in front of him, then I walk away, my finger and my soul feeling bare. I climb back into my car and drive away, not knowing where I am going to go…
“Jarno?” it’s Flavio, why is he phoning me? He doesn’t want me back…but his voice is shaking slightly “I’ve got some news, and I thought you should know…seeing as how close you were to him” my heart stops
“W…wh..what?” I stammer
“There’s been an accident…” the final two words ‘an accident’ echo in my head and the phone falls to my floor
“Jarno?” I can here Flavio’s voice from the phone, I pick it up
“What happened” I whisper
“According to Kimi, and Nick they met Fernando outside a bar, he was drunk and…god they tried to stop him…but he got into his car and drove away, they had to follow. But when they found him, he had crashed…”
“Where is he?” I ask quietly, and when he tells me I leap to my feet, “I’m going to see him”
I finally reach the hospital and see Kimi standing outside I run up to him “how is he?” I ask, the young Finn looks at me
“I don’t know. No one’s told me. You’d better ask someone else, but he doesn’t look in a good way” he tells me, I hurry into the reception, and Kimi leads me down the corridors, to a private ward, Nick’s there he gets up when we enter leaving me to sit beside Nando, I don’t notice the pair slip out.
I just stare at Nando, wired up to so many machines. No one had said anything about his condition yet, but looking at him, so many wires, there were bruises on his face, and I feel tears pooling in my eyes “God Nando, what have you done” I whisper. It’s my fault, If I had only forgiven him, he would never have done this, a voice behind me makes me turn, it’s Fisichella, I glare at him deciding that it is not my fault but his “What the fuck are you doing here?” I demand “this is your fault”
“I didn’t make him get in the car” he protests
“I’m not leaving him” I say “I can’t, tell me why won’t he wake up”
“We don’t know the damage he has amassed yet, he had some internal bleeding, but that’s been cleared up, I hope, he suffered some broken bones but otherwise he is just unconscious”
“But…he won’t be able to race again for a long time…” it isn’t a question
“No” she states “which is too bad” she smiles “I was looking forward to watching him on Sunday”
I stare at Nando, barely hearing her, racing was Nando’s life, as much as it was mine…”Can I stay here?” I ask “I won’t be in the way.”
She sighs “A bit longer, but you’ll have to go in a few hours”
I wake as I feel someone touch my cheek, and look up into those chocolate coloured eyes, and smiled, tears of joy pooling in his eyes. “You came to see me” he states
“I haven’t left your side” I admit “God Nando, why the fuck did you do it?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking”
I look away briefly and sigh deeply “I’m sorry…” I whisper “and I forgive you”
“Thank you” he replies “I missed you”
I nod, “and I missed you too…” I lean forward and kiss him…
He kisses me, and I realise that I was stupid to play away, I feel nothing for ‘Carlo, this is the man I love…
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